Suicidal ideation: Choosing faith and departure

After crying for over two hours straight, I chose to write a bit on my blogging website. As I haven’t updated anything on here in a long time, sorry for that.

I cried because of my realization that I have every so often about my life and how unfortunate it really is. Today’s nonsensical reasoning was due to my dysphoria.

Taking Control of My Narrative

In the midst of these emotional struggles, I decided to take control of my own narrative. I’ve been navigating the challenging waters of gender dysphoria, seeking solace and understanding within a system that often feels like it’s failing me. My decision to start self-administered hormone replacement therapy (HRT) in December 2023 was a pivotal moment in my journey.

Despite reaching out to professionals, such as a gender clinic and an endocrinologist at UMCG on April 20th, 2023, the response has been disappointingly slow. Frustrated by the lengthy waiting times and lack of support, I chose not to be limited by the protocols that seemed to hinder my progress.

Navigating Uncharted Waters

Learning to self-administer Estradiol Acetate injections weekly has been both empowering and challenging. My determination to embrace my authentic self propelled me to overcome the hurdles presented by a healthcare system that often leaves transgender individuals waiting in the wings.

My GP has been supportive in this journey, prescribing monthly blood tests to monitor my hormone levels. While unconventional, this approach has given me a sense of agency over my well-being.

A Glimmer of Hope

Acknowledging the risks I’ve taken, I am conscious of the potential consequences. Yet, for me, the urgency to transition at a young age outweighs the risks. The positive impact on my mental well-being since starting HRT has been notable. The reduction in suicidal ideation underscores the importance of timely access to gender-affirming care.

The struggle for acceptance and understanding in the face of a healthcare system that feels unresponsive has been daunting. Still, my determination to chart my course and embrace authenticity keeps me going. My story is ongoing, and every day is a step towards reclaiming my identity.

In sharing my journey, I hope to shed light on the challenges faced by many in the LGBTQ+ community and the broader conversation around mental health. It’s a raw, unfiltered account of my experiences, with the intent to foster understanding and empathy.

Remember, even in the darkest times, there can be a glimmer of hope, and I am trying to be the living proof of that.